Lost the remote for the telly? Remote for the DVD? Cant find ya cigarettes? Ya Mobile? A Pen? Then check out my hot tip.

by Paul Rosewell
(London England.)

Its annoying innit when you cant find ONE pen to hand? Youve just had dinner,and you fancy a cool relaxing Marlboro, damn,you left them at the bottom of the garden.

Try out my new "Auschwitz,the Musical" DVD instead, now wheres the remote gone now?
I,d better ring me mother and see how she got on last night at the Wrestling. She was up against The Undertaker from Detroit. I dont believe it,my phone is also at bottom of garden with fore mentioned Marlboro!! We have all been here many a time and it is god damn annoying. NOT ANYMORE FOLKS, with my easy to install "John Wayne saddlebags for Dogs" One size fits all. Yes,the days of losing carkeys,wallets and purses are history. All you need is one pair of standard kitchen oven gloves, fill up gloves with your chosen articles, then simply throw over your dogs back and loosely tie underneath and Hey Presto, Instant John Wayne Saddlebags for the use of. Set the Scene, "dad can i have 9 dollars to get my girlfriend that "Cliff Richard,The Acid Years" CD she has been on about?" "Sure thing Hector, Rover,here boy". Please note that you stay seated while Rover trots in from the garden, your bulging wallet is removed from one of the two "saddlebags" you lovingly hand over said amount to a grateful Hector and bobs ya auntie with a skirt on,everyones a winner or "Mange Tout a la Bagette" as they say in Rome!! See enclosed photos to view the "saddlebags" in action.

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Sep 19, 2010
Star in the making.
by: Russell Crowe

Just seen 3 pages from Mr Paul Rosewell, me and the mrs found ourselves laughing out loud. He,s a funny bloke(if indeed it is a bloke)and if he keeps up writing stuff like this and bringing laughter into this mad sad mixed up world then in my book thats not a bad thing and should be recieving the booker prize for literature in a few years if not before.

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